on a dark & stormy night, there was a creature . & you’re never going to beleive what it did next

it creached

osha compliant blowjob

[Id: tumblr tags which say “#It comes with a railing”.]

whenever my program freezes

Asking this in the middle of a heatwave may have skewed your data. a bit

“why would we make plans in front of you if you weren’t invited?” babe i was left out of everything growing up, i need 100% confirmation you want me there or i simply will not go

'the human body is perfect god doesnt make mistakes' what about wisdom teeth then. huh. gonna let those bastards grow in and fuck up your jaw for god. didnt think so

also the exploding appendix

there's an entire book about all the ways the human body is fucked up, but the highlights I remember are:

-The blood vessels for our rods and cones in our eyes don't run behind them but rather in front of them. It's like putting the power cables *over* a camera's lens

-the nasal sinus cavities fucked up during evolution. when our skulls shortened, we went from having a straight shot from one end to the other to having basically a basin which can collect mucus, which then has the actual exit for the chamber at the top of it. this normally isn't a problem bc cillia can work viscous mucus up it, but when we get sick and produce super watery mucus, it no longer works, which is why our noses get stuffed up.

the book is called Human Errors: A Panorama of Our Glitches, from Pointless Bones to Broken Genes. I recommend it.

Most mammals can’t get scurvy. They make their own Vitamin C. But in primates, the gene to make it is broken. Normally, when an important gene breaks, the organism dies and has no surviving descendants, but when it broke a few million years ago, our ancestors were living in a lush climate with lots of fruit and survived the failure just fine.

Then humans invented fire and clothing, and moved to colder climates where fresh food was only available part of the year, and scurvy was born.

And our reproduction, oh heavens. There are SO MANY WAYS that human reproduction is fucked up that simply DO NOT APPLY to other animals, even the our nearest relatives, the great apes. When a gorilla is giving birth, she finds a nice hiding place in the trees, squats down for like half an hour, and pushes out a baby. Humans, not so much. In fact, the outcomes of unassisted childbirth in humans are so poor that most anthropologists agree that we must have invented midwifery in some form before we became fully human.

What they don’t tell you about storytelling is that it becomes an instinct over time. You learn how to kind of … intuitively chain events together over time. That doesn’t mean it’s a cakewalk, or that you never get stuck on plotbeats, but you have a better time walking yourself out of corners that you as a less experienced writer would have been tempted to abandon your story over. Because you’ve been stuck in similar corners before; you know how you get out now.

I know its frustrating to keep hitting dead ends, but you got this. You’ll learn a little from every roadblock you hit.

The main thing I do if I’m ever stuck too (even after writing for 15 years) is read! It doesn’t matter what kind of book but personally I’ve found the more you read, the more tools you gather, and the more tools you have, the better equipped you are to tackle corners you may have written yourself into.

Had a dream that I was going to band camp on the moon and to save fuel they had us leave our instruments and clothes behind and only use the camp uniforms and equipment. When we deboarded the space shuttle my middle school band teacher handed me a spacesuit and a box that looked exactly like a box of pasta with the little cellophane window, but instead of pasta there were very tiny woodwind pieces and it said BASSOON on it. "BASSOON: add water."

ALT

like this

Ok this is all fine and good but op why the hell were you marching a bassoon

I dunno, but I like how this was the most unreasonable part of the dream to you.

Double date core